From the get go I wanted an open adoption.  I could tell this inspired fear in those who knew me as the “what if’s” poured in.  They ran the gamut from my child being confused to being kidnapped.

When I think of the anxiety many of us face on a daily basis, it is the what ifs and the unknowns creating internal turmoil.  The unknown gives our brains creative license to create a narrative and the genre is usually more horror than realistic fiction.  At the very minimum I wanted her to know who her birth parents were and for us to have ongoing contact through letters and pictures through the agency.

Here is where our open adoption stands today.  M is now 7 months old.  I have a shared Shutterfly account with her birthparents.  I post pictures nearly daily.  To date there are about 1,600 photos.  The Shutterfly account allows them to decide when they want to see pictures, versus a text or email popping us as a potential emotional grenade.  I text with both birth parents a handful of times a month.   As it helps them to know she is ok, it helps me to know they are ok.  Ok looks for them can look different and sometimes the bar for them to be ok is that they are moving through there day moment by moment.

In a month we are taking a weekend trip back to Atlanta to hang with our “Georgia Family” (her birth parents and her full biological brother).  Of course I have my own what ifs.   What if M cries when she sees them?  What if K and D feel worse after the visit?  What if they don’t want future visits?   I have no control over any of those possibilities and would I really have less what ifs if I decided not to have contact?

I’ll always take an active “What if?” over a passive “What could have been?”